Un dîner New Yorkais - Junes Davis, mère juive déjantée !

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Un dîner New-yorkais

Publié le par Junes Davis-Cohen

Depuis que j’ai noté sur mon statut facebook que j’ai déménagé à New York, il m’arrive "souvent" de recevoir par mes amis, des demandes d’infos sur différents domaines. Mais la question boomerang, qui revient encore et encore, c’est: quel est le meilleur restaurant cacher sur Manhattan?

Sans hésiter, je répondrais les restos de la chaine Prime. Et pour cause, ces cinq restos sont connus et reconnus pour leur cuisine fantastique! Parce que pour être franche, disons-le carrément, ladies and gentlemen, aux States la nourriture c’est souvent DÉGOÛTANT. (Tu t’essayes encore critique culinaire ? Non, parce que là, tout le monde s’en fout! Détrompe-toi, voix off, détrompe-toi, j'ai recensé plus de 242 questions en cinq mois, alors ça a son importance capitale !!!!!!!!). Car oui, chers français, notre palais est complètement différent des palais américains (nos estomacs aussi, remarque*).

Donc c'est tout naturellement que pour pessah, nous avons choisi de partir avec eux et leur chef cuistot dans nos bagages! Arrivés en California, (voir les vacances de Junes Davis en California pour plus d’infos) il y a la femme de l’organisateur que j’avais déjà vue/repérée/remarquée/ dans un autre voyage qui me demande si j’ai vu son fils. Qui me parle? Ouhouuu c’est à moi, qu’elle s′adresse? Parce qu’il faut quand même que je vous décrive cette femme, ce personnage, qui te donne juste envie d’arrêter de manger pour le restant de tes jours, de te teindre les cheveux en blond, et d’élire la salle de sport comme résidence principale! En gros, c′est une bombe New Yorkaise sophistiquée! Chaque fois que je l’ai croisée pendant le séjour, elle remuait sa crinière de rêve comme si un paparazzi allait sortir d’un buisson. Ah oui, j’oubliai, bien évidemment, cela va sans dire, Miss Manhattan a trois enfants et n’a pas le ventre mou, non non non. Plusieurs fois, nous étions au bord de la piscine ensemble, où j’ai utilisé mon scaner visuel qui scrute les bourrelets plus vite que son ombre, et je peux vous assurer, c’est du béton!!!!! Moi, avec mon maillot tzniout par 35 degrés, dégoulinante de sueur, (un peu de classe Junes, juste, tssss un peu de classe!!!!), et elle, toute souriante de gentillesse avec son teeny-mini-bikini, se prélassant sur le transat avec ses deux nounous qui s’occupaient de sa marmaille, faisait juste contraste. Mais, de piscine en piscine, mon fils de nature sociable (comme sa mère imssikoupala 5 sur toi mon fils, comme il est.... Stooop, reprend-toi, il y a des gens qui nous lisent, pardon!), alors mon fils et son fils sont devenus bros/potes de piscine et du reste d’ailleurs! Donc, sa mère et moi, nous cherchions constamment nos enfants :

- T’as vu mon fils?

- Non et toi?

- Bah non?

- On cherche ensemble?

- Ok.

Sur le chemin des recherches, je me rends compte, malgré mon anglais casse-gueule, ma compréhension d’immigrante et mon accent de black (Pourquoi de black? T'es blanche comme un linge, comment c’est possible ? Il y a trois ans, je ne parlais pas un mot d'anglais, c’est ma nounou black Lucy qui est restée un an vivre avec nous, qui a dévalisé littéralement notre compte en banque, qui m'a tout appris. Les gens sont souvent étonnés de mon accent from Guyana!). Mais plus nous cherchons nos trésors et plus elle est super sympa et oooooooh non je ne la déteste pas. Bizarre, c'est louche. Donc je ne pousse pas la relation, parce que je pense que c'est une star, et que les stars ne fréquentent que les stars (Ah bon?? Tu tiens d'où cette info ? De ton voici que tu t’obstines à acheter à 8 dollars chaque semaine ?). Anyway, le séjour se passe en tchatchant de temps en temps, mais pas de grande amitié qui commence entre nous deux, rien qu’une rencontre de vacances qui finit sur le tarmac. De retour à NY, je reçois un SMS la semaine d’après:

- Hi ! It is Alex, est-ce que toi et ton mari vous êtes libre pour dîner un de ces soirs?

Je réponds:

- wrong number/ faux numéro.

- Are you Junes Davis, the mother of Ethan? Es-tu Junes Davis, la mère d’Ethan?

-Yes, Mais t'es sure?

- Yes, on adoooorerait vous revoir! On vous invite mercredi prochain à 8:00 pm et vous choisissez le resto Prime de votre choix!

- Euh.... Great!!

(Pas besoin de préciser que mon mari me demandera deux fois de vérifier le terme inviter en anglais au cas où je n’aurai pas bien compris)

Et c’est parti pour la prise de tête numéro 1: qu’est-ce que je vais mettre?

Prise de tête numéro 2 : qu’est-ce que je vais lui dire?

Prise de tête numéro 3: Et si mon mari la regarde trop, je fais quoi ???? (Mon mari n’aime pas les blondes God bless mais quand même, c’est la Jaguar des blondes, t’as vraiment comparé une femme à une voiture, t’es sérieuse?? Mais qu'on te pousse sous les roues de la Jaguar tiens! Qu’on te roule dessus avec ses 450 chevaux blonds tu vas voir si tu vas être sexiste !!!!)

Je me dis que je vais peut-être accidentellement lui planter ma fourchette dans sa cuisse et amener par le plus grand des hasards des ciseaux pour couper ses cheveux blonds magnifiques. Alors bravo, bel état d’esprit dans lequel tu y vas, et ça se dit religieuse, pffffff!!!! . Allez, on est positive, on avale le jus de la confiance en soi et on monte dans ce taxi.

Donc on arrive au restaurant toute pomponnée, plus pour moi que pour elle, en jeans baskets, et miss Junes hors sujet, qui a mis le paquet: sac 2.55/ rouge à lèvres rouge/ talons de 8 cm. On se fait la bise, bonsoir, la pluie, le beau temps, les enfants (j’avais ma liste de sujets à aborder dans mon sac!), les maris discutent entre eux de business de nourriture. Depuis quand mon mari s’y connaît ? Mais quel homme, mais quel être exceptionnel (même chose que pour ton fils, on se recadre!) Bref, Alex me parle, et je découvre à ma plus grande surprise, malgré son apart dans l’upper east side, sur Park avenue, malgré son corps de rêve sculpté par la sueur de son sport, ses trois enfants, et tout le reste, que c'est une femme, une maman exquise, qui a des failles comme nous toutes. Et qui reste quelqu'un de simple et de franc. Plus les plats arrivent, et moins je suis impressionnée par tant de grâce et de beauté. Alex se livrera comme un livre ouvert, ça tombe bien j’écris un livre justement, est-ce que je peux utiliser ta tête comme couverture ? Ce serait plus vendeur. Alex se marre et me dit : tu écris sur quoi?

Un peu de tout. (Vas-y mollo Georgette, on va pas lui parler de Pearl Harbor parce qu’elle va vouloir le voir et moi ça va pas arranger mes affaires pour le remettre avec Livy, j’y travaille mesdames, j’y travaille!!!!) Mais Alex me sort de mon blog et me dit, je connais quelqu’un qui pourrait être intéressé. Really??? Je vais téléphoner à Violetta, mon amie journaliste qui sera ravie de te présenter à son éditeur de mari. Est-ce que tu m’autorises à t accompagner au dej'??

Je crois que je suis en overreaction, car je saute en moi-même sur du David Guetta en criant, toujours en moi-même, Mazal tov!!!!!!

J’arrive à bafouiller un vvvoui .... Yes, of course.....

Et c′est ainsi que j'ai RV une semaine plus tard avec mon 2.55, mon blog, mes six premiers chapitres de mon bouquin, et Alex sous le bras à la rencontre de Violetta et surprise:...... Son éditeur de Mari. Je vous débriefe le dej très bientôt!!!!!!!

* Penser à prendre dans ses bagages du maalox et du gaviscon, ça peut servir pour diverses aventures culinaires.

A lundi pour une chronique spéciale fête des mères: Junes et sa Rabbanite.......

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